I would never!

Or would I?

I have seen and heard about many things lately that have made me think "I would never do that", whether I am consciously thinking it or not. I'm driving down the road and see a prostitution bust. I am shocked that it is happening in our little town, and more shocked that people could really live that way. I hear that friends are having affairs and been utterly dumbfounded that they could do such a thing! Sometimes it's things not as "big" as those, but maybe something someone has said, decisions that others have made, cultural or traditional beliefs of others that I think so stupid.

Arrgh. Lord forgive me! I want to believe that I really am better. I want to believe that there is this fragment of good in me that prevents me from crossing the line that I have drawn that separates what I believe is not so bad, and really bad. But I would rather believe the truth. The truth is that my righteousness is as filthy rags. That is, if I believe what scripture says about me. But do I really believe that?

I tell people that this world is fallen, imperfect, in need of a Savior. Yet I am shocked by the sin that is in it. And then finally, shocked that it is in me as well. One of the most central and concise definitions I have heard of why Christ died is simply because we are more sinful and flawed that we dare imagine, yet more loved and accepted that we dare dream.

It's amazing that when I get a glimpse the depth of my sin, also comes a glimpse of how much the Lord must love me to accept me in spite of it.

The truth is (whether I believe it daily or not), that yes I would! But for the grace of God, there go I. Whether my sin plays itself out in prostitution or materialism, adultery or slander, I am no better or worse than the street girl on the corner. No better or worse than the adulterous husband.

I believe it intellectually, but I desire to believe it deeply. I really don't want to respond with pride, but with humility. And I'm not there yet.