Overwhelmed

Whew. I now know what others have meant when they have said that the first few weeks of parenthood is spent in survival mode. Of all the books I have read and moms I have been around, nothing fully prepared me for this new phase of life. My world, as well as my heart, has been turned inside out. I thought I knew exhaustion. I thought I knew responsibility. I thought i knew love......

After all the countless nights that I thought I couldn't even sit up to feed Charlie again, after the many hours that I have bounced, rocked, and tried my best to console an unconsolable child, after crying tears of helplessness of my own, nothing could make me love my little one an ounce less. And to think that Christ sees me this same way? Even during the first few weeks as Charlie was clueless that Bryan and I even existed, I couldn't get enough of him. I didn't care that he didn't respond to any of my hugs and kisses. He still made my heart melt. And now as he looks at me and gives me that flirty smile of his......I don't have the words! Is this how Christ feels when we turn our gaze to Him?

B and I could sit and stare at our little guy for days and marvel at his newest "feats" - things that anyone other than a parent would think so small. Bryan called me in his room yesterday to show me how C had rolled over for the first time. Does the Lord get this excited about my own little feats? The things that myself or others see as a drop in the ocean?

Through all the work and stripping of self that being a parent has brought, I am most overwhelmed with this new found love. Love for my son, love for my husband now as a father, and love for the Lord who has so graciously loved me. I can't help it. And to think, He can't help it either?